The Writing on the Wall
by Mimevas Lemqi
Summary: Werewolves, azkban, deatheaters, and more. Aurors...plots...Why not give it a chance? Read the first few sentences: I dare you.
1. Chapter 1

**The Writing on the Wall  
**Prolouge

_'This is the writing on the wall, scratched on the crumbling walls with rock. Scratched, so that when I go mad, I may read... read and remember...rember who I am. My name is Mimevas Lemqi. I am the daughter of Nereida and Rabastan Lestrange. I've never known my parents, I've never even glimpsed them. But, I know that they, like me, are huddled within the walls of this prision. Somewhere...unless they died. They could have died, they could have died long ago. I wouldn't know. I've never met them. But I know, I've always known: they abandoned me. They left me, left me to be raised in muggles orphanages. Why they did, I'll never know..._

_When I was very young, I used to wonder. When I was placed with a new muggle family, I asked: 'Why did you give me up?' Each new muggle, to me was a mother, a father. But they never kept me. Accidents happened, accidents that I could never explain, and so I was abandoned. Always, I was abandoned. Back to the orphanage for me! Nobody cared..._

_Like I said, I was young then. It hurt, being rejected. I thought that they were my parents, then they threw me away. With the next family it was the same, I thought mama and papa had come back to get me. Afterall, I was special, wasn't I? Why wouldn't they want me? Then, in a week tops, I was returned. Like an item bought from a store, but the customers were all dissastisfied. The all wanted their money back. That was the way it was. It never changed. It repeated itself, over and over again. Repeated, until player and played were sick of the game._

_It never changed, but I changed. I grew older, and the older I grew the more I saw. Mama and Papa didn't want me. They tossed me away like a peice of garbage. I was garbage...trash...nobody would want me. I had to rely on myself._

_The accidents never ended, they grew worse. Houses caught fire, rolls of toilet paper started chasing muggles around. Sounds insane...but I'm not insane...not yet._

_The ministry of course, couldn't let things continue. They intervened. I was young, I had no self-control. That didn't keep me from being dangerous. Dangerous to their minds, dangerous amidst muggles. So, I was removed. Sent to live with a family of mudbloods. Sweet mudbloods...I had to suck it up. It didn't matter wether I liked it or not._

_I sound angry...I am...I was..._

_That was when I first learned that I was a witch, that I belonged to the wizarding world. To a world which had rejected me, a world which had left me, left me to rot with muggles. Muggles were looked down upon...I hadn't known...I'd thought I was one...the mudbloods treated me like one...infact that was the last thing I wanted._

_I had hoped, to divorce myself from my past. It didn't work, everyone brought it up. Everyone knew I was a Lestrange. They thought I was lucky. Lucky, to have escaped being raised by purebloods. To have been kept away from my own. I didn't think of myself as lucky, I thought of myself as alone, alone and cursed.  
How could I not be cursed?_

_Nobody wanted me. No one. Not even Hogwarts would take me. I never got a letter. It was too late. I missed the first two years. I had to be taught at home by the mudbloods instead._

_Different. That was my curse. It is my curse. I was born different. I've never managed to stop being different since. I thought things were bad then. I thought I couldn't be more different. I was wrong..._

_I was arrested. Arested and put here, in azkban. Thats what comes of my thinking things were as bad as they could be. I allowed myself to behave recklessy, why not? Things couldn't get worse! So, in my eagerness to learn magic, I learned it through casting spells on muggles...muggles...and occasionally, the children of the mudbloods. _

_Reckless. Wrong._

_Now I pay the price._

_Insanity. It will come soon. At least I can remember. I'll read this and remember. I HAVE TO!'_

These words, sit etched into the wall of an empty cell. Below it, lie a few more. A few, which were hastily and feverishly scrawled:

_This is written in my blood. I lost the rock...but blood serves as well. The inmate in the new cell bit me, the werewolf. Thats why I bleed. And theres a full moon tonight. Tonight..._

_I will escape._

**A Trip to Azkaban**  
Chapter One

Shadows filled the dark corridors of azkban prison, shadows releaved only by the dim light of flickering candles. Flickering, flitting, in an eerie way that seemed perfectly at home with the pain filled moans and cries. Screams for pity, pleads for release. A day in azkban was depressing, a week, and you felt as though cheer had fled forever. And in a month...in a month you felt insanitys cruel claws ripping at your flesh.

Lulu Gilmore shivered, as she strode down the corridors, beside her strode Cornelius Fudge: the minister of magic. Casting a sideways look at him, she could see that he wasn't at ease. Far from it, he was terrified. But, he had come on business, serious business, and that at least took the edge off his fear. He had never been on the other side of those bars, he did not know what it was to fight for your very sanity. Lulu however, remembered that struggle all to well. Two years she had spent, two years in a waking nightmare. Nothing would ever wipe that time from her memory...she had been a different person then...Arrosa...that name wasn't safe. Not anymore...  
Unhealthy...morbid...not worth thinking about now.

Firmly, Lulu grabbed hold of her fears. Later, she could dwell on them as much as she wanted. But not not here. Not now. Not in the ministers company. He afterall, thought that she was merely a useful employee of the ministry. He didn't know about Arrosa, he didn't know what she really was. Nor would he. Not if she had anything to do with it. Spies, were of great use to the dark lord. In her position, she could gather information. Information was what her newly risen lord needed, and information was what he would get. Nothing, not even her past, would interfere with that. She couldn't let it! She wouldn't!

'I know, its an awful place...' Fudge told her, shuddering in disgust. 'I don't like dementors much...but ah' here we are...the cell.'

Stopping in the middle of the corridor, Fudge turned to enter a cell. Lulu, followed suit. She knew why they were there, or at least she did vaguely. Fudge had breifed her...

Another escaped prisoner...

Not a deatheater...

A young girl, of no more than seventeen...

And the minister had only just found out...

The cell, was small and cramped. It smelled, it reeked. Reeked from centuries of human inhabitation. From humans living in ways than even animals would not stand. Even without the dementors, no one would be able to stay sane in such a place long. Lulu knew...

Rats, bugs, and fleas. Those alone were enough to make life a misery. Illness, hunger, and perpetual cold. Those turned misery to insanity.

'Obviously the girl was mad as hatter. A physchopath is my guess...' Fudge commented, as his gaze fell on a small cot which had been ripped in two. The stuffing, lay strewn across the floor of the cell. While an occasional gust of wind would send it whirling (like snowflakes) through the air.

'Yes, obviously Sir.' Lulu agreed. Two years would be enough...and even if it wasn't true in the girls case, it was best to agree. It was always safest to agree...

'Yes...' Fudge trailed off, as his eyes lite upon the wall.

_This is the writing on the wall, scratched on the crumbling walls with rock._

Words...scratched on the wall with a rock...though by the look of it, not all had been written so. Blood...

Standing still, Lulu and Fudge read the words. As she read, her eyes filled with tears. Poor girl, pity mightn't save her, yet Lulu couldn't help but pity her. She knew how desperate she had been, she understood. She understood the fight against insanity...  
'Physchotic!' Fudge cried, as he finished reading. 'And look, this isn't the only wall that physchopath has scratched up! They're all covered...to think that she's lose on society! We can't let the prophet get ahold of this! They'll have a feild day! As it is, with dumbledore claiming that the Potter boy is back...'

Words, fading to the background like mist...pitiless...it took a deatheater to feel pity...yet wizards like to pretend deatheaters were cruel...Fudge would send someone out to catch the girl. That was true cruelty...

Wether or not Fudge was right about the girls insanity, Lulu disagreed with him. The walls of the cell was covered, but how did that make her mad? Were inmates supposed to sit all day doing nothing? To do nothing...nothing to protect themselves from dementors? Or, did normal wizards think that the prisoners in azkaban had no right to anything? Did they think that they were lower than the meanest animal?

The answer: Yes.

And the girl would be caught...

'Lulu, I'll need you to catch her.'

'WHAT?' Starting out of her reverie, Lulu felt horror wash over her. Fudge couldn't be serious! Not her...she wouldn't...she couldn't! How could she?

'You heard me. You! I don't want anymore people knowing about this than I have to. I'm relying on you. Catch her, and bring her back. Do you understand?'

'NO! I mean...yes sir...but she's a physchopath...I'd be too frightened...'

'Lulu, you have guts. You have to do it I won't risk telling anyone else. Your job relys on it. Now...since thats settled...I think I'll just leave you here...to investigate of course! I'd stay, but...pressing business. I'm sure you understand...'

Wearily and with a heavy heart, Lulu nodded. What choice did she have? The dark lord needed spies. She was a spy. And spies had to do things that they didn't like. She'd have to find the girl. She'd have to catch her. That was the end of the matter. It was best to think of this Mimevas girl as an insane animal...a rabid animal...a danger...yes...she was...she needed to be caught.

**The Vampire of Hellegrin Woods**  
Chapter Two

Darkness crept slowly over Hellegrin Woods, slowly, as it had now for three days. Three days...three days of freedome. She should have been elated by this knowledge, almost Mimevas wished that she was. But, for three days she had wandered through the dark wood. For three days, she had known hunger, she had known fear, and she had known cold. Her clothes, hung about her in tatters. The tatters couldn't keep out the chill wind. Food, what was there to eat? Nothing...nothing till the full moon shone. With the moon, she could eat that which she couldn't stomach as a human. Each night, she could hunt, though of what she hunted she had no memory come the day. No more...the full moon was gone. Now the moon was waning, now there could be no hunt.

Huddled beside a stream, Mimevas shivered. Food wasn't her only problem. Money, friends...she had none. And the aurors would be pursuing her. The aurors, knew what she looked like. They would recognize her, strange considering that she could hardly recognize herself. A glance at her reflection in the water, told her as much. Her hair hung past her waist in long dirty matts, her eyes held a haunted look, her face looked gaunt, hungrey...and her teeth...they were so even and white...so unnaturally even...so unnaturally white...

Thoughts trailing off, Mimevas looked up in alarm. Her hearing had improved, she heard things that before she would not have. For days, now she had been jumping at the slightest sound, but now, now she had reason to jump.

Her source of fear, wouldn't have been visible to her before. That much she knew, he was still to far away to see in the growing dark. Or he would have been, once. He wasn't hard to see now, and it wasn't hard to figure that he was stalking something. Hunter and hunted...what was his prey? Whatever it was, it didn't effect her, did it? No...but he was a man. He would know what had happened in the world since her arrest. More importantly, he might know what had happened since her escape...

'I'll turn the tables...' Mimevas muttered, jumping slightly at the hoarse sound of her voice. 'I'll stalk him...and when I catch him...he'll beg...'  
-----------------------------------------------------------

Zach grinned, as he slunk through the under brush. It was evening, and he was hungrey. Hungrey, as only a vampire who hasn't drunk his breakfast can be. And there, sitting by a stream was fast food. She wasn't perhaps, as tasty looking as some, she looked drained, almost as though another had supped from her first. That didn't matter, well...not much. Afterall, there wasn't really any alternative.

Ducking behind a tree, he peered out with caution. This was a matter to be handled with finesse, he was a master. His prey was oblivios to his presence, muggles were very stupid...most likely he could call her name and she'd come running yelling 'Bite me!' with joy. But, there wasn't any fun in that. A pro (such as him) enjoyed a bit of foreplay. It wasn't challenging...still...he could create the challenge himself...

'Could I have a Big Mac, with fries and a soda?' Zach yelled. Yelling alerted the muggle to his presence, yelling gave him a bit of a chase.

The muggle didn't run, she ducked behind a tree, glancing around, before dodging behind another on tip toe. What sort of a game was this? Certainly not his usual...  
Still, why not adapt?

'I want that soda to be an extra large!' Zach screamed, as he slunk behind the safety of another tree. 'And give me a pickle with the Big Mac!'

'Bapabapabaa, mmmmmm I'm LOVING IT!' The muggle replied, tumbling adeptly into a bush.

Zach frowned, this was becoming a little bizarre. He had never come across a muggle before who actually answered. Who actually played his game. What did she hope to gain? What sort of a game was she playing? Or was she simply trying to distract him?

'On the count of three, I'll be coming at you.' Zach informed her loudly 'One, two, thrrreee...Ready or not, HERE I COME!' Running foreward at top speed, he came towards her. His cape flapped through the air, his arms were stretched out, and his laughter filled the air. Now she wouldn't resist...no one ever did... 'OWWWWWW!' A large stick banged down onto the top of his head, his cape was torn off with a loud rip, and a bunch of leaves met his searching fangs. What had just happened?

This question was answered the moment he looked up. The muggle girl...she was prancing in the middle of the clearing, with a stick in one hand, and his cape in the other. The cape was held out in mid air, held so that the blood red lining caught his eye.

With a roar, Zach ran foreward again. The cape floated over his head, the stick poked him in the side. 'OLAY!' The girl cried with truimph. Truimph? He was the one doing the stalking! And he wasn't about to give up so easily. If she wanted a fight, he'd give her a fight.

Again and again he came, faster and faster the cape whirred over his head in a red and black blur. Like a whirlwind, the girl hopped from one spot to the next, each time his grasp missed her by less than an inch. Then, just when a smile of satisfaction began to creep across her face, Zach managed to take a hold of her hand. A moment later, he had a hold of both, and was forcefully pulling her foreward.

The girl continued to struggle. She pulled backward, foreward, and sideway. She kicked out, and met only air. From side to side they moved, Zach pulling left, while she pulled right. He pulled her toward him, while she pulled away. A dance...to an outsider, it would look as though they were dancing. Come to think of it, they were! They walzed and tangoed, at one point Zach could even swear that he was doing the cha cha.

At first, the dance was accidental. Zach was horrified by it, she looked disgusted. She seemed to think that he was doing it deliberately!

Shaking his pelvis, he picked her up, trying with growing desperation to bite her. She however, leaned back to avoid his teeth...he twirled her around...she tried to kick...Then it hit him. He was dancing, and he was dancing of his own accord. So apparently, was she. Somewhere along the line, they had fallen into a rhythm...

Horrified, Zach stopped moving. He didn't intend to dance with anyone, he wouldn't! Besides, this food was a little to fast...or was it? His sudden stop, had put her off balance. One moment of weakness, just one, and he was able to grab her in such a way that she couldn't struggle. Her palm was raised in a fruitless attempt to ward him off...her palm...

'YOUR A STINKING WEREWOLF!' Zach cried out in disgust, as he spotted a five point pentagram star on her palm. Shoving her abruptly away, he stared at her. Vampires and werewolves were sworn enemies on principal. They despised one another. To think that he had been dancing with one! She too, should have looked naseuated. However, she looked far from it. Instead, she looked oddly enough, truimphant.

'Thats right, I am.' She informed him with satisfaction 'I'm glad that you've finally cottoned on. I wondered what took you so long...' She paused, arranging her features into a a queenly look 'Now, I'm going to ask you some questions, and I demand that you answer them. Got it? Good...Otherwise I'd have to teach you another lesson. Whats happening?'

'Happening?' Zach asked, eyeing the girl with confusion. By the look on her face, she obviously thought that she had beaten him. She seemed to have the idea that he was frightened of her. Frightened of a girl who resembled a corpse more than a living being...

'IN THE WORLD YOU IDIOT!'

'Oh...the world...Well Mac Donalds has some new orders, my friends tell me that they're not half bad either...Garbage men drink vodka while they work...believe me, I should know. I got drunk off one yesterday...'

'Thats not the sort of thing I want to know, I...' The girl started impatiently, before Zach cut her off.

'Look werewolf, I'll tell you what I want, when I want. I'm not scared of you. Vampires aren't that easily intimated! I though I wanted to drink you, but I changed my mind. Thats all. Now, if you don't mind (though I hope you do) I'm going home. I'm not going to talk to you a minute longer. I don't know what you want, and I don't care. Good night!' Bowing smartly, Zach turned to leave. The girl, didn't say anything. But she looked...crushed. Her eyes watered, a tear leaked down. God...not tears. Not tears...another one trickled down. Zach could feel himself growing desperate.

'Now ummm, see here werewolf. Don't cry! I...well goodbye you pickled gooseberry! Cry your eyes out. See if I care...'

'I don't expect you to. No one ever does. I'll just sleep by the creek, maybe eat some leaves for breakfast...they actually taste pretty good, when your hungrey. I don't expect you to take me home. Whats your name? I want to know who my murderer is...'

Zach's jaw dropped open. Take her home? The way she said that, it sounded like a demand! And murderer? He wasn't killing her! Was he? Did she have anywhere to go? Or anyone to go to? No...she was pulling his leg. Trying to make a fool of him. Besides, if she did die, there would be one less werewolf in the world. That could only be good...

'Goodbye! Goodnight, and so forth.' Zach told her. He would leave her, what did he care if she had nothing to eat? She could cry all she wanted...

She didn't cry this time though, instead she picked up a piece of dirt, and raised it to her mouth. 'I'm hungrey.' She said, glancing up with a demanding expression. Apparently she was trying to be pathetic. Well he didn't care! He didn't! He would't!  
'D-e-l-i-c-i-o-u-s. I have a fever too. I'm dying. Goodbye.'

Demands. They all sounded like demands. But, someone Zach couldn't bring himself to leave her. She could come, but only for the night. Yes, she would only stay for the night. That was all. Only for the night...


	2. Chapter 2

A Spy, A Seeker, and a Scheme  
Chapter Three

It had been three days since Fudge had set Lulu Gilmore the task of finding azkabans escaped prisoner, and every evening since, the minister had summoned her to his office, demanding to know how the search progressed. Each evening the answer was the same I'll catch her sir, just give me a few more days. I'll catch her... and each evening Fudge replied See that you do. Neither one was satisfied by the interview, but neither one complained. For neither one, knew what else to say...Lulu knew that the minister didn't want details, he wanted results. Until he got them, he wouldn't be truely satisfied. That much had been apparent only five minutes before...five minutes, and all because of a frown he had sent her way as she backed out the door...

There was no way to satisfy the minister, not yet, not now. Lulu wasn't fool enough to try, even if she did feel so inclined. The truth was, she couldn't care less how the minster felt. Not so long as she retained her position as a spy. Besides, what could she tell him? Could she say that she was trying to enlist the help of several of her death eater friends? Could she casually mention that she was visting another that very night? Or that a few other death eaters would meet her there, so that they could give her their replies. The answer was no. The details were impossiable to tell. She wouldn't and couldn't try. Espically not under prying auror eyes. For even if she tried to mask the truth, an auror might sniff it out. Aurors had a knack for that...

Aurors...

Turning around on the ministry steps, Lulu couldn't help but groan. Aurors. Andres. The combination was frightening. And unfortunately the combination was hastily fighting his way through the door, a grin twisting his features, a sparkle lighting his eyes...

'Lulu, my dear. Hugs and kisses, eh?' Andres asked, winking slyly. 'But don't worry I can wait...I can wait forever. So...I heard that you were closeted with ole' Fudgie again. What does he want? Everyone has been asking...an' I said, doncha worry Lulu will tell me. Lulu tells me everything, cause she can trust me. Trust and me go hand in hand...doncha think?'

'I'm afraid that I can't tell you about it. Its private. It between me and the minster. Now, if you'll excuse me, my poor old granny will be wondering keeping me.'

'Private?' Andres demanded 'But my sweet, can't you and I share private things? Afterall I get a kick out of knowing that your alive...'

'A kick? What a good idea.' Lulu sung sweetly. Raising her leg swiftly, she delivered several hard kicks. 'That's several private things that I just shared with you. And I wager...' She continued, raising an eyebrow as he doubled over with pain 'That you don't want any more.'

With these words, Lulu sauntered away. It seemed unlikely that Andres had learned anything. Their daily meetings always ended with a kick, a scratch, or a punch of some sorts. When would he finally realize that she didn't like him? Perhaps he never would...Resolutely, Lulu shoved these thoughts to the back of her mind, and so abandoned the annoying auror. She, had a meeting to attend in Hellegrin woods. Therefore, there was no point in dwelling on Andres. The meeting, the death eaters, and Zach. Those were far more important So important, that but a minute later, Andres ceased to exist in her mind.

And so it was she didn't see. That she didn't know. Andres, had not forgotten her so easily. She didn't see the pink suit that he had magicked onto himself, or the sun glasses, or the yellow golashes. She didn't know...she didn't know the meaning.

Andres felt jealous. So Andres decided to play spy. Andres began to form a scheme. A scheme to win his fair ladies heart. 

And Andres followed her.  
-----------------------------------------------------------

'She'll go tommorrow. DO YOU HEAR THAT? YOU'LL GO TOMMORROW!' Zach yelled, gazing furiously at the ceiling above him.

Thump. Bang. Crash. Thump. Bang. Crash. Thump. Bang...

'DOG DAMMIT! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON UP THERE?'

Crash. Thump. Bang. Crash. Thump. Bang. Crash

The cycle repeated endlessly. Endlessly...for hours...on end...

For the hundreth time that night, Zach sighed. He regretted allowing the girl to stay more than he had when he had first decided to let her. The girl caused more trouble that she was worth, more trouble than he could handle. He didn't care how pathetic she appeared, he wouldn't let himself. Ever since she had crossed his doorstep, chaos had reigned. After being in his house for less than two hours, she was already treating it as her own. Already...

He should have been smart enough to keep her out, should have been but hadn't. Hadn't, and now she was driving him swiftly insane.

The worst part of it was, that hadn't actually done anything wrong. She might delight in cracking his cape like a whip, she might request (in a demanding tone) that he cook her dinner, and she might not have the grace to thank him. It was ill manner yes, but not wrong. An ordinary person might not mind, so why did he? He didn't...not quite...it was the noise that drove him mad. The thumps and the bumps and the crashes that kept coming from his rooms. Sounds of chaos, and he hadn't heard a peep from her. The very idea was enough to make him uneasy, the actual action drove him mad.  
Thump. Bang...

'IF I HEAR ONE MORE SOUND, I'LL...' Zach cried out, waving his spatula at the ceiling. 

'SHUT IT VAMP! I'M A DANGEROUS CONVICT ESCAPED FROM PRISION! SO, BE CAREFUL WHO YOU MESS WITH!' The girl shouted from somewhere overhead.  
Sighing, Zach returned his atttention to the skillet, and the food within. The girl was incorrigable, and a liar too. Escaped convict? The idea was ridiculous! But, even so, he still had to finish up her dinner. Though wether it would be edible was another matter entirely...

Having been dead a while, Zach didn't really remember much about cooking, or even wether he had learned how before. Magicking up a skillet, a spatula, some basic ingredients, and a pot was easy enough, but after that, the rest was greek. Something was wrong...but what? The egg, which he had cracked into the pot of boiling water? No...that had to be how you boiled an egg. Nobody in their right mind would leave the shell on...The bacon in the skillet which was resting on a bed of blackened fries? Perhaps that was it...but how would you fry a peice of bacon on anything but a french fry? The salad, which every now and then he threw up into the air (struggling to catch all the ingredients)? No...that had be be right! But, what was wrong then? Maybe he was a better cook than he thought...maybe...

'He-LO, vampie!'

Zach jumped, as the girl suddenly slid down the banister, landing easily on the kitchen floor. The sight of her almost made him choke with horror, for one of her activiteis became immediatly apparent. She had been messing with his clothes, cutting them up...and she was wearing their remains! A new pair of black dress robes, had been dismembered, so that part of them served for a skirt, while another pair had gone torn apart to make a long purple top. The a gem studded gold bat buckled (from his belt) had been threaded onto a chain and braided into her long hair. And she hadn't even asked!

'Your a theif, stinking werewolf.' Zach sneered

'I said, He-LO!' The girl sung 'In polite conversation the proper response is Hey there beautiful or Man, you make me ache just lookin at you. Not your a theif. Didn't your mother ever teach you that? Luckily, I'll overlook your rudeness, for now. Just remember, I'm a dangerous convict! You don't want to push me too far...'

'Really?' Zach shot back 'And I'm Vlad Dracula.'

'You are?' The girl asked incredulously 'But...you were staked, weren't you?'

'No...'

'Bhram Stoker that you were.'  
'He did?'

'Yes, he did.'

Zach stared at the girl, feeling confused. 'So, Bhram Stoker told you that he staked me? Did he say when?'

'Why don't you read the book and find out?'  
'He wrote a book about me?'

'Yes, he did.'

'About me, Zach Black?'

'No, about Count Dracula. And you said that...'

'I'm not Dracula, I'm Zach.' Zach informed her cooly. It appeared that the girl had deliberately been making fun of him! Well...she'd sing a different tune when she ate her dinner...

'You really can't make any sense can you?' The girl asked, flouncing over to a chair as she spoke. 'Wheres my food?'

'Its here, my dear.' Zach told her sweetly, shoving the plate under her nose as he spoke. Smiling, he savoured her horrified expression as she stared at the contents. Gingerly, she picked up a slice of bacon, sniffed it, took a little bite, and then screamed. Before he could even let out a cry of truimph, she was running up the stairs, as though the devil was on her heels. It served her right for cutting up his clothes...

'I only turned the egg pink.' A voice behind him commented 'Extreme...who was she anyway?'

Zach turned around, startled. The speaker, was Chicklepea. Beside her stood Margo Malfoy, and Andromeda Meliflua. Less than a minute later, (with a slight popping sound) Lulu Gilmore too appeared with. All fellow deatheaters...But what were they doing in his kitchen?

'That...that was my ummm...wife, I mean ex-wife...uhhh...' Zach spluttered, horrified the minute the word wife popped out of his mouth. Why on earth had he said that?

'Widow more like. Your dead.' Andromeda commented

'I didn't know you were married! When...?' Lulu asked in confusion.

'Ex, ex wife! We were married...I died...now I think she's dead too...or something like it...Forgive me for asking, why are you here?'

'I have something to ask you...' Lulu began, drawing him into the livign room as she spoke. The others followed, nodding occasionaly at what Lulu had to say.  
Zach was astonished.

He hadn't known.

There really was a dangerous convict in his bedroom, but he wasn't Vlad Dracula.

And now, it seemed quite probable: she wouldn't just stay the night.

The voices in the living room droned on. A full hour had passed, yet still Zach remained closeted with his strange friends. An hour...an hour in which Mimevas's curiousity had grown beyond endurance. More than anything, she longed to know what they were talking about. Whatever it was, she intended to find out.

They were talking about her. Stray phrases had told her as much.

'One Muggle said that all the rubber ducks (which she collects) began quacking and frying hamburgers...'

'I've never been able to figure out why the dark lord doesn't wear pink, it's such a lovely color...'

'Then another time the whipped cream began to whip the muggle whipping it...'

But why were they so interested in her? Were they after her?

She had to know more.

But, if they were looking for her, they might recognize her. They had already seen her one time too many. She couldn't risk letting them see her again. BUT SHE HAD TO KNOW! Disguise, was the only answer.

Luckily, Zach had been dead long enough to accumulate alot of junk. Too long almost...in a normal life span, people filled their attics and their garages full of things they never used. But the vamp had much longer to do this, so much longer that he had begun storing what his junk everywhere. Including in his bedroom. Most of it was useful, but some was perfect for her.

A stick on tatoo of autumn leaves, which were being chased by a frisky kitten, white dye to streak her hair, make up, clip on earrings, perfume...all of which she could use, but what had the vampire intended to do with them? Whatever it was she couldn't figure it out.

Nevertheless, she that he had them. For by the time she was done, she had changed drastically. Changed but the same...hopefully enough to evade capture, evade capture and still find out what the were talking about.  
She was as ready, as she would ever be.

Bouncing down the stairs, Mimevas put her ear to the closed door of the living room. She wasn't trying to be stealthy...not yet...she was afterall a very talented eavesdropper. An artist...

'I don't know...' Zach's voice drifted through the door

'Ode to a vomitious vamp!' Mimevas muttered, just loudly enough for Zach to hear her. Taking out a pen, she scrawled the words loudly on the door. Then, she began to open it softly, slowly sticking her head inside.

A moment later, Zachs hand stuck through the crack, firmly shoving her head out.  
'A vomitous vamp, who tried to eat me!' She shreiked. Forcefully pushing the door open and poking her head back inside.

'Leave-us-alone-darling-widow-of-mine!' Zach gasped, pushing her head out.

'Scene: a woodland clearing! Characters: the vamp and me!' Mimevas exclaimed in a still louder voice. Fervently, she continued to scribble on the door, while sticking her head back inside the room.

'O-U-T!' The hand hit her so hard, that she fell backwards.

'Thats it vamp...' Mimevas snarled, feeling angry despite herself. Grabbing hold of the door handle, she tugged. Apparently Zach was pulling on the other side, for it refused to budge.

'What do you want stinkin...'

'Nothing, I'll go...'

At this, the door opened, revealing a shocked vampire. Apparently, he was suprised (and suspicious) by the way the she suddenly let go of the handle. So surprised that he actually opened the door for her.

Smiling, Mimevas ducked inside before he could react. Stealth still wasn't needed, first, she had to annoy him. Annoy him enough to get him to throw her out.

'What do you want stinkin...'

'Just to tell you: I'M LEAVING!' Mimevas informed him dramtically 'You've driven me up a tree and down again.' She added, sending him a significant look.

'Looks like your getting rid of your widow...' One of his guests commented.

'AND HE'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN! But first, I've written a song in his honor. Shall I sing it?'

'No, no, NO!' Zach spluttered angirly  
'If thats the way you feel, then I will.' Filled full of delight, Mimevas began to sing.

Ode to a Vomitous Vamp,  
who tried to eat me this night.

Scene: A woodland clearing  
a silver brook  
with trees as guant  
as the vamp I met  
the vamp,  
(while I admired my reflection)  
admired in a glistening pool...  
till the foul vamp snuck up on me,snuck up on me,  
in the dark of Hellegrin Woods.

Characters: The Vamp and Me  
That hated fiend,  
who stands near 6'foot  
with rather strong features  
and a dark shock of hair...  
a shock  
shading  
his sewage like gaze.

His role: A bull,  
a dancer...  
No more.

What happened:

Red and black  
blur-whir  
round and round his head.  
Up,  
Down,  
round and round,  
OLAY!

Stumbling and bumbling  
foreward (once again)  
round and round his head  
Backward,  
Foreward,  
sword striking down,  
OLAY!  
See my little hand?  
So small,  
so pale...  
Flashing,  
Dashing,  
round and round his head.  
Does he dare,  
grab hold?  
He dares...  
villanious-vile-vampire  
the swords thrown down,  
the capes thrown down!  
Grab hold,  
grab hold...OLAY!

Zachs vampiric pallor, slowly turned pink, as Mimevas began to frisk about the room. Skipping, and hopping from place to place, she grabbed a poker, and began waving it like a sword in his general direction.

'Olay! Olay! Olay!' She cried, jumping onto the table as she did so. 'The swords thrown down, the capes thrown down. OLAY!' Bowing, she threw the poker across the room. The look of fury on Zach's face (while his friends laughed) stirred joy in her breast. Any moment now, she would be able to start her real spying. Any moment now...

Zach acted swiftly. One moment, he was choking on his rage, while the next, he was lifting her into the air.

'GET OUT 0F MY HOUSE! GET OUT!'

'Let go of me!' Mimevas screamed, waving her arms wildly through the air. 

'All right, have it your way...' Zach replied.

The next thing Mimevas knew, she was falling through the air, falling into a rosebush. The vampire had tossed her out the window! How dare he?

'Every so often I have to teach my ex-wife a lesson...' He explained.

Ex-wife? That, was going to far. The next time she got her hands on him...OOOH! He was going to regret it. But, at least she had gotten what she wanted. She wanted to spy, and now she would. She had handled the situation with an artists touch, now the fun could begin. After throwing her out the window, Zach wouldn't suspect that she would stay. He wouldn't...so she would over hear everything! He had played right into her hands...

Quietly, she climbed off the rose bush, unable to keep from crying out as the thorns scratched her. Softly, she settled beneath the window. Watching, and waiting. Waiting for them to forget about her...  
While she waited, Mimevas glanced around her. She had landed in the middle of a rose garden (as her butt kept reminding her). However, she wasn't alone. Another spy (doubtlessly a master) was standing a little ways off, behind another rose. He had to be a master...only a master would wear a pink suit and golashes so confidentally. Casually throwing out the word spy. Clearly, he was a genius. Only a genius would be so at ease. An ease which seemed to say 'I'm a spy.' He was so obviously a spy, that no one would suspect it...

'Well, what do you have to say? Will you help me?' A woman demanded

'I don't know...' Zach replied shiftily

Stiffening, Mimevas turned her attention away from the spy, and back toward the window. They were speaking again!

'Zach, please...these woods are close to azkaban. I think it very likely that she'll come here. Please? I need you...'

'Well...no...I don't think I fancy that...I mean...I know she's a stinking werewolf but...no...Margo...Andromeda?'

The vampire wouldn't help? Mimevas was stunned, of all things, she hadn't expected that. They were looking for her, and he refused! He would still have to pay for the rosebush though...

'What about you Chick...Andromeda...Margo?'

'I'll help you catch her. But, it doesn't surprise me that you won't Zach. You have your hands full with your widow...'

'I'll help...' The voice of the girl who had turned her eggs pink rang out.

'I won't.' A third voice declined.

'Very well...'

A minute later, the room fell quiet.

'Margo, I want to tell you something...'

The one who had refused to help, still remained.

'What?'

'Look out the window...'

Mimevas gasped, as a witch with silvery blonde hair, peered down at her.

'Thats your ex-wife.'  
There was a pause, then Zach spoke again, causing Mimevas to scream loudly.

'Meet Mimevas Lemqi...'

Behind A Rosebush  
Chapter Four

This, is what Andres heard, while hidden behind a rosebush.

bLulu: "Her name is Mimevas...,Mimevas Lemqi...she's a Lestrange. Fudge has set me the task of finding her. She's lived with so many people, that I hardly know where to start. Espically since she has lived with any of them for more than a week."  
A Strange man who Lulu's bound to be Interested in: "Really? Have you talked to any of them?"

Lulu: "Yes, I have. To a great many...'One Muggle said that all the rubber ducks (which she collects) began quacking and frying hamburgers...'Then another time the whipped cream began to whip the muggle whipping it...the list goes on...but they all ended in some disaster. The toilet paper one was the worst."

A Strange man who Lulu's bound to be Interested in: "Toilet paper? Typical..."

Lulu: "Zach, she wasn't a werewolf at that time, so theres no reason for you to sneer. Besides, I doubt that she meant to do it. The toilet paper just began to mummify everyone. It even dragged someone, and stuck them down the toilet. The toilet paper stuck them in and out all night...flushing the commode each time..."

A Strange man who Lulu's bound to be Interested in: "Did the muggles tell you anything else?"

Lulu: "This and that, nothing of interest"

Soooo...Lulu finds this insolent little pup of a foxey feather chicken cuter than an egg without the shell! Thats why she's always rejecting me...

A bizarre girl who's bound to be a bad influence on Lulu: "Certainly not as interesting as your widow, Zach."

A Strange man who Lulu's bound to be Interested in:"My widow...oh yeah...her"  
A bizarre girl who's bound to be a bad influence on Lulu: "I think you said that she died? Is she a vampire? She certainly seems undead to me...'

She's insulting Lulu! She'll have to go! But...Lulu's a widow? Why didn't she ever tell me? I suppose she's heart broken...like a squirrel without its nut. Another tree between us...

A Strange man who Lulu's bound to be Interested in: "No...not exactly...she's a stinkin...a stinkin...a stinkin...ummmm-nothing!"

Lulu's nothing? HE'LL HAVE TO GO TOO!

An even bizarrer girl: "Look, look. Margo! Just go like this."

Perhaps the girl named Margo: "No...no...no..."

An even bizarrer girl: "Let me teach you, okay?"

Perhaps the girl named Margo: "No, Chick. Maybe later."

Lulu: "What are you guys talking about?"

An even bizarrer girl: "Nothing..."  
So they're talking in code!

A bizarre girl who's bound to be a bad influence on Lulu: "Chicks trying to teach Margo some new dance moves."

A Strange man who Lulu's bound to be Interested in: "Ha! I know just the girl she should see..."

I can't understand this code...but I know what to do...I know...and they don't. They won't. Not until its too late...

This, is the scheme Andres made, while hidden behind a rosebush.

"Somehow I have to get my sweet away from the babies who want to suck her like a mint flavored blue lollipop. Somehow...thats my goal. I'd better write it down...

Goal: Lulu Gilmore.

Straight and to the point...perfect...

Now, my obstacles...my obstacles are those bloody babes, those freaky leather shoes...and that man...the one like a chicken egg...or was it a roosters? Hmmm...I'd better write that too.

Obstacles: Freaky babie shoes who probably wear polka dotted underwear and a man.  
Now, thats well written! I don't know if I've ever written a better line. Bold and rebellius. Mickey himself (the mouse) would have been proud. He was a great man...

But, whats my plan? Something that even Mickey couldn't have thought of. I have to have one...I KNOW! I'll make everyone think that they're deatheaters! Yes, I'll bring charges against the babes, charges against the man, and charges against Lulu herself!

Afterall, everyone knows: Deatheaters and aurors are as different as bananas and oranges. Aurors are oranges with many varying layers. Deatheaters are bananas, which when they go bad, are used for banana nut bread.

All I have to do is prove how vary like banana's they are! The charges against Lulu will have to be anonymous...cause after I prove she's a deatheater, I'll ride in (like a knight on his shining elephant) and save the day!

She'll fall in love with me! I'll punish them and get Lulu! MY SWEET!

This, is what happened to Andres, while hiding behind a rosebush.

The Freshman Undersecretary  
Chapter Five

Dawns quiet hush fell slowly over the woods. Dim light crept into the shadows while the waking birds began to trill. Hours had passed since Zach introduced Margo to Mimevas, and for Mimevas at leasr, those hours had been exceedingly frustrating. From the moment they first drug her screaming through the window, she had felt annoyed, panicky, and thwarted. Her intial reaction was fear, it gripped her like a steel vise. Bands of hysteria seemed to have constrict her chest, and because of the bands, she lashed out with inchorent yells. After kicking them, she burst into frenzied tears, after chucking books at them, she threatened suicide, and after breaking a few ornaments, she promised to rip them both to shreds---if they tried to return her to azkaban.

The problem was, both Zach and Margo had a huge advantage over her. They, had wands, were healthier than she (making them stronger), and didn't have to worrry about being chucked into prison. If they wanted to put her in prision, they could. It would be easy...Naturally, they assured her that the thought hadn't entered their minds, but that only made her more suspicious. Both Margo and Zach were deatheaters, that much she had figured out. His vistors had all been deatheaters...They were capable of killing. The question was, was that what they meant to do with her? It wouldn't be surprising if they felt that she knew too much...  
"Curiosity killed my cat, and now its killing me!"

She didn't want to die, she wanted to live. She hadn't spent two years in azkaban only to be killed when she got out! Had she?

Another round of terror was set off by this thought, though this time, she had less control over her actions than before, and because she had less control, the situation was much harder to put down. Inanimate objects acquired a life force of their own...

Several bottles of hair dye began to chase Zach around the room, dumping their contents haphazardly onto his head. The blackened french fries began to dance around, impaling themselves on his fangs and shooting like bullets towards the dangerous direction of his nose. The eggs, adorned his head, turning themselves into the worlds first hopping hat. And the bacon sat perched behind his ears, wiggling delicately.

Margo, intiatly found the situation amusing, amusing until a bunch of markers began scribbling all over her. She didn't escape the on slaught, infact, her laughter only served to infuriate the contents of the room. Her chair began to gallop about, bucking wildly. Eventually, it sent her flying into the curtains. The curtains tossed her about, until she grew unbearably dizzy. Then, Margo found herself zooming toward an angry door. The door hit her toward another door, which batted her back toward another...a game of tennis resulted...with Margo as the ball...

Mimevas watched all the uproar without batting an eye. For her these occurences were so common, that she hardly payed them any mind. It was their fault for setting her off...luckily for them, the familarity of the situation soothed her.

An hour passed, and with its passing, Mimevas grew calm. The objects, stopped moving as suddenly as they had started. Only the chair retained a life...but so long as no one sat on it, the chair was content to curl up and fall asleep, neighing every now and then with pleasure.

The peace was restored, or at least it was for a time, and with it, Zach and Margo lost no time in pouncing on wary Mimevas, poking and examing her, as though she were a fascinating exhibit in a muesem.

"Pour pays a pinkin porridge pea piddin plastic hag led od a punk pcrap pearpoof." Zach muttered, poking Mimevas as he fruitlessly attempted to spit a french fry off his fang.

"English please Zach...not...what are you speaking: French? Romainian? Goobledegook?" Margo questioned, before turning to Mimevas, poking her, and whispering "With white hair, she could be a Malfoy..."

"Pooblepepook... Pah! I have a pinch pry on my pang. Pats a patter."

"Pooblepepook? I haven't heard of that..." Margo replied with a shrug. "But, what to do with the girl? The dark lord likes new recruits...but the dark lord won't accept her if it means losing Lulu as a spy. Spies are valuable. Yet, theres no way we can keep Lulu from catching without that happening, unless...'

Margo grinned, sharing a significant look with Zach. They had agreed on something, but what? Whatever it was, Mimevas felt extremely annoyed at not being consulted. She would complain---and loudly, but before she could, Zach had pushed her firmly into a chair, while Margo shook a bottle of white hair dye dangerously.

"She could be a Malfoy...my half sister...nobody would know..."

"Put peas pupposed a pee my half pwife." Zach growled, still struggling to remove the stubborn fries.

"What? Come a again? I wish I knew where you learned this Pooblepepook..." Margo drawled, raising her wand as she spoke.

Mimevas started, as cold water came rushing down on her head. A moment later, Margo was scrubbing the white hair dye onto her hair---the next thing she knew, she had dreadlocks (braided with colorful beads) handing past her waist. Potions, which Zach had been brewing, were forced into her hands non-stop, potions which she drunk before having a chance to think seriously on the matter. Her nails, were painstakingly painted, her wardrobe created with care, and two whole hours spent debating wether Allure or Mist was a better perfume. Zach maintained that Mist was more fragile, and therefore better. Margo argued that Allure was alluring--much more to their purpose. In the end, they agreed. Shattered Rose emphasised pain---a different sort of beauty, a beauty that was much more easily shattered. Just what they wanted.

By this time, Mimevas was hopelessly confused. Why were they helping her? And how were they helping her? Didn't they intend to tell her anything? She had a right to know!

"She's a perfect Aquilina Malfoy." Margo said with pride.

Mimevas shot a quick glance at her reflection. She was different---too different--yet unchanged. The essentials were the same, her eyes, her nose...but, certain qualities had been brought out. Her gaze seemed more expressive, her voice a trifle softer. She looked wilder, warier, and yet more vulnerable and lost than ever. Like someone in desperate need of protection.

"Phwat? Po pay! She'll be Pazura." Zach informed Margo.

"Pazura?" Margo scoffed "I'd sooner call her Flopsy..."

"M-m-m-m-MOPSY!" Zach yelled truimphantly, as he wrestled the last peice of food from his fangs.

"M-m-m-" Margo laughed "Use english, please! How about F-f-f-foxie?"

"Perfect! Flopsy Mopsy Foxie Malfoy!" Zach returned, smiling gleefully at Mimevas horrified expression.

"What on earth are you two talking about? I don't EXPECT YOU TO TELL ME." Mimevas demanded, tossing her head so that her braids made a whipping noise as they slashed through the air.

"Don't demand verbally, demand non verbally. With your eyes, with your hips, with your hands. Be arrogance. Be expectant. Let the world come to you." Margo coached.

"She can't help it, its habit...anyway Margo's going to pull a few strings. She'll tell Lucius...who'll tell Corny Fudge."

"Tell him what? I have a right to..."

"Be charming as ice."

"WHY!"

"Can you make coffee?" Zach asked.

"What?"

"I asked you werewolf wether..."

"Yes...Yes...I can...so what?"

"Good. You'll need the skill, stinkin..."

"BUT WHY FOR GODS SAKE!"

"Because..." Margo began with a smile "Umbridge is Fudges senior Secretary, Weatherby is his junior, Lulu is his sophomore, and by tommorrow, you will be his freshman secretary. I guarantee it."

Freshman Undersecretary...it sounded mad...but Fudge was a fool...the idea would catch his fancy. It was bound too...and she had no choice but to go along with it.  
Flopsy Mopsy Foxie Malfoy, Freshman Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic. Insane and bold, that was why it would work


End file.
